When tough things happen we humans tend to take comfort in theories of causation. Many of spiritual bent would say floods are some sort of cleansing ritual, needed by Mother Earth as a result of the ill-doings of mankind. Others might assume these floods are merely part of a cyclical weather pattern – la Niña. Yet another group might say all these extreme weather events are to do with the shifting of the poles, a forthcoming Armageddon, a punishment or wake-up call for humankind. Maybe the earth is over-populated and trying to shake some of us off? Maybe the Illuminati have been controlling the weather? Perhaps the chaos of our minds is being mirrored without?

The truth is: we do not know. Humankind is so tiny, perched here upon this planet in the vast darkness of a spinning galaxy. All we really know is we are here, and our experiences seem real enough to us to make them matter. Seeming to be so completely at the mercy of events, we feel the need for some control. We assign labels, meaning and causation. We put our faith and hope into scientific endeavour, equations and shallow logic. Facts are piled upon facts, never seeing that the bottom layer of the house of cards may be faulty, and, when occurrences give rise to fury and grief, we seek a culprit and assign blame. There! Now it’s fixed!

We really know only one thing. We are. We are here and we are. The rest is a pile of concepts formed by desperation, and apt to be unseated in unholy fashion by life eventually. Those who throughout history have been able to live purely and in harmony with life seem to have discovered that our real nature is love, not control, that life is a moving feast of change, and that, when we are pure being, we respond perfectly in the moment, without the need for equations or logic – and we retain equanimity without the need for blame.

The eye of the storm is us. We are the unchanging within the changing – and we are all one.

Let us observe all these events, realising that they have no effect on the unchanging centre of our beings, though they might well throw the periphery around. Let us help each other get through them and not waste too much energy on theories and blame. We do not know what else is to come, nor can we control it, but we can be true to ourselves, and aware that, whether we live or die, lose houses or loved ones, at heart we never change – we are intrinsically love.

Feng shui,  geomancy and energy clearing

Co-principal, Inner Peace Institute for Wellbeing

We got flooded last week. Again. For the second time in six weeks, and the third time in six years – and no, we don’t live in Queensland or in any other low-lying area of this land. Our house is situated on a hill! Yet, as Michael and I stepped out of bed last Friday morning, we found ourselves sloshing around in about 3cm of water. The carpets had already absorbed all the water they could hold, and a steady tide kept advancing towards the living areas.

In an instant, I felt closer than ever to the thousands of unfortunate people who were facing much worse situations. My heart opened to them in new ways – and I was grateful for clean rainwater rather than mud.

I also realised that what took place in our house, as well as theirs, is a great metaphor for personal relationships, because, at times, unexpected crises happen in sound relationships as well as they do in solid houses. We may believe that we’ve built something strong enough to keep storms out. We feel safe, protected, secure. We might even be smug enough to think that we’re immune from crises.

I remember saying at some stage, “I don’t do dramas any longer”.  How delusional was that? And one morning we wake up to a different reality, as I did last week. Yes, shift does happen!

For us, after days of torrential rains, water found its way in between external and internal walls until plasterboards just couldn’t contain the invisible tide any longer. The pressure grew too strong. So water suddenly gushed in through every weak spot it could find.

Michael started drilling holes through the external walls, which proved helpful. As for me, while mopping up in a frenzy, I remembered a saying attributed to John F. Kennedy. He said, “The best time to fix the roof is while it’s sunny!” What a great piece of advice. Commonsense for a physical house – but what about in relationships?

How often do we address causes of discord while the going is good?  Most of us don’t. Instead, we stifle emotional rumblings with distractions. We repress disturbing thoughts with extra food, sex, drugs or alcohol. It’s so easy, isn’t it? Or we work extra hard to silence warning signals, and ignore mild physical symptoms of dis-ease. I know I’m good at that.

Suddenly things get worse. Hitting us out of the blue – or so it seems – we get caught in the midst of an emotional storm, either internally or with a partner, and, for most of us, this state of crisis becomes the trigger to addressing our underlying issues. What terrible timing!

Metaphorically speaking, attempting to resolve relationship issues in the midst of a wild argument is similar to unscrewing sheets of roofing, or removing tiles, while the storm is raging – plain madness. Not only does it make things worse, it’s also dangerous to those involved. Yet, this is what most of us do in relationships. We ‘open up’ difficult subjects when we’re at our most vulnerable or our most aggressive. However, we all know that when we’re blinded by grief or rage, perceptions become distorted. Awareness turns foggy. Responses are irrational. So why fight our way through a torrential emotional storm? What good can we possibly achieve in such a state of mind? Not only do we risk receiving and inflicting personal injuries, we’re also likely to permanently damage what we want to improve – the relationship itself.

What else can I say but paraphrase JFK? “If your inner house is leaky, fix it while it’s sunny.”

In your relationship, muster the courage to bring up disturbing subjects when things are going well. Address your intimate issues when you are both feeling open and loving. In my experience, broaching the subject in a business-like manner is the easiest starting point. So ask your partner for an appointment. Tell them up-front what’s on your agenda and, together, choose a time and place that are conducive for rational discussion – not when you’re both exhausted, and definitely not in bed! Have a strong intention to resolve your issue in a win/win way and within an allocated time-frame. If you both hold these intentions, chances are you’ll succeed. Then stick to every part of your plan – intention, subject, place, time and timeframe. Sometimes it’s tempting to ‘forget’ the appointment or postpone the discussion. So be brave and do it!

You’ll be well rewarded for your courage. The sun will feel warmer and your inner landscape will look brighter than ever. Enjoy it while it lasts, because you know what happens next, don’t you? On this plane, nothing is permanent – so you’ll find out soon enough if your ‘roof’ is truly fixed.

Now that I’ve just finished writing this article – or so I thought! – here’s the kicker! Just now, Michael has discovered that our roof is fine, thank you very much. It was never part of the problem! Our house got flooded from the ground up, through an electrical conduit that collected water up the road and became a gushing fountainhead in between walls.

Ah well… another metaphor for relationships! Sometimes we spend time and effort trying to fix something that works perfectly. In the meantime, a well-hidden underground culprit enjoys free range. This is life, isn’t it?