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Greg Binns
Relationships are the most rewarding and transforming aspect of our lives. Why then do they seem such a struggle, a struggle to get into, a struggle to stay in and a struggle to be in?
It is our ‘stuff’ that gets in the way; the issues that have plagued us since childhood.
If we are already in a relationship we need to thank our partners for the great job they do in pointing out the areas in which we need to grow. At the same time we need to be aware that we are rendering them the same service.
Relationships are great engines of growth. We grow much faster in relationship than alone. Having an intimate partner is like have a personal trainer 24/7 who is dedicated to driving our growth as fast as possible. They miss no opportunity to indicate through vibe, word or physical action what we need to be working on. They ‘press our buttons’ relentlessly.
This stream of gifts from our partners can be rejected as needless argument, hurtful accusation, intimidation, neediness or superiority, but in reality they are gifts from the heart.
As we deal with the underlying issues that have interfered with our lives since childhood we become more available to grow in our relationships. This growth is independent of our partners. They may have provided the trigger, but the growth process is our own.
As we grow and change our partners have three choices:
- They grow to meet us
- They leave
- They fight, kick and scream and try to drag us back to where we started
There are only these three choices!
Some partners welcome the changes with joy. Others just leave. Even if we do the actual moving out, it is because they have left the relationship. Then there are those who make it so unpleasant that it is easier to surrender than fight.
Also remember when our partner changes we face the same three choices. Which one do you choose?
It is this amazing opportunity to grow and evolve that make relationships so desirable, fulfilling and worthwhile.
Greg Binns
Partner, Relationships Plus, Melbourne
www.relationshipsplus.com.au
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